A great email I got:

From: "xxxxxxx" | Block Address | Add to Address Book
Subject: God does produce waste
To: onlymoreso@yahoo.com

First of all, I would like to state that you are an idiot with the brainmass of a dime. Sorry for going into ad hominem, but your not a very skilled atheist.

I have found several proofs that there is a God.

1. The anthropic principle.
2. The thermodynamic law.
3. The fact that evolution is impossible.
4. The red prism theory.
5. The disproving of the big bang theory.
6. The PROOF that evolution is impossible.
7. The 6000 year fact.
8. The nuclear weak force.
9. The nuclear strong force.
10. The lack of electrons in the universe.

Those are only ten, and i have stacks of these. And if your going to try to disprove God, then at least get some brain power. Do you really think that Gods going to kill someone just to make you happy, your so stupid, i think that anyone who sees you gets there IQ lowered from your epidemic of stupidity!!

Once i was asked "Does God produce waste??" And I said "I dont know." but now I know that he does.

*He produced you and your a waste of air, a waste of space, a waste of cells, a waste of earth, a waste of gravity out-take, a waste of a human-being, but most of all....YOURE A WASTE OF MY TIME!!!!*

But im not mad at you, im mad at the devil for making you stupid!!

Sign,
xxxxxxx

Here's what my response was:

From: "katie r." | Block Address | Add to Address Book
Subject: Re: God does produce waste
To: "xxxxxxx"

your not very skilled at detecting sarcasm, are you.

kr

may 16 2002

A paid advertisement:
Choosy moms choose Jif
and then let their husbands yell at them in front of other people.

May 10, 2002

kim will not shut the hell about the DQ. that girl has serious mental problems.

my mom was out last night so I went over to jen's. she showed me the most fucked up thing ever, it was excellent. it was on some web site about taking good care of your cats or something. someone posted a question that said something like 'When my cat is in heat I masturbate her with my girlfriends tampon. Is that normal?"

um, NO IT IS NOT NORMAL, you need to be locked up in jail and hit with hammers. wtf? does your girlfriend know your using her tampons for this? did you ask her? holy shit. we were freaking out. I could not stop laughing. then later, I heard jen laughing in the bathroom and i was like what the hell are you doing in there, and she opens up the door and throws a bunch of tampons out at me. i was ON the ground. i wish i knew the link. maybe jen will put it in my guestbook. which morgan says i should take it down, and i'm starting to think shes right. if your going leave mean messages, at least include your email, assbag.

may 7 2002

went to see spider man with morgan, kim, jc and derek. i ended up sitting next to derek. someday i hope to meet a boy who can go 5 minutes without talking about his penis.

i forget what else i wanted to tell about it. i enjoyed the product placement. i like how macy gray is basically the same as a can of dr pepper in terms of being something that needs to be sold to the public. hows your self esteem, honey! i guess we can also put kirstens nipples during the rainy scene under product placement too. next time please hit me over the head with it.

jen has an awesome macy gray impression, i was cracking up during the movie so bad. i thought someone as going to complain. i can't think of anywhere she hasn't gotten us kicked out of. denny's, laundromat, kim's house. her own BASEMENT once. jen's parents need serious help. if you met them you would know.

i wonder how bad it would be working at the movie theater. my guess is awful. tight ass uniforms. movie nerds. gross butter for the popcorn that you have to touch. the only pro I can think of is it's not like waiting tables, where if someones a pain in the ass, they're a pain in the ass for a couple hours. at the movie theater you move people along pretty quickly so it's not like they stick around all evening being annoying. but i guess then if you factor in how pretty much everyone is annoying, and theres a steady stream of people all day and night long. it's like a zen riddle.

may 3 2002

I just mowed the fuck out of the lawn. take that you piece of shit grass. I'll probably get zero dollars for it, my mom says I have to get a job this summer because she is a continual fucking pain in my ass. she does not understand that no place in this town hires under 16 like I explained but does she understand? no she does not. too bad there's not a nikes around, right? heh. I don't know what the hell I"m going to do. probably wait and see what kim does and copy her ass. work at tryon's maybe. we used to spend most of the summers at my aunt's house which was cool b/c she lived by the beach in MD. in a TRAILER with brown carpets but still. it would be pretty cool to work somewhere at the beach probably. if everyone wasn't a tard. anyways we don't go there anymore because we fucking disowned the bitch. I don't know what happened but my mom and her don't talk anymore. who teh hell knows why. i told her i'd have a better chance of getting jobs there but she was like we're not fucking going to elaines. then she went out somewhere... left her cigarettes open on the counter, hell yes!

going out on the roof. screw staying inside.

may 2 2002

Okay time for a fun family game.

A fun game:
called: RED HOT FORK!
(just kidding about this being a family game. if you play this game while your mom is nearby she will murder you and shit on the remains.)

for this game you will need: 1 lighter, 1 fork

setting:
this game is played during meals, usually at a crowded restaurant. for instance denny's. here's how it works. you are out with your friends eating and hanging out at the restaurant. people are talking about whatever. you are talking with them, acting interested, not acting suspicious, but the whole time you have secretly taken your metal fork off the table. you are holding it over the flame of your lighter secretly under the table. do this for a while so it gets nice and hot. then suddenly when no one expects anything you touch the fork to the bare skin of your friend's arm, shouting RED HOT FORK!!! they will of course freak out and have a not too bad pain on their arm. no harm done.

the trick to the game is you are in a crowded restaurant, so your friend wants to scream at you and you and all your friends are laughing hysterrically, but there are a lot of people in this family restaurant and if you make a big scene you will be kicked out by the manager.

the other trick to the game is you never know who has a lighter and when the red hot fork will strike again, you could get burned at any time. you start to be always suspicious of your friends. totally fun.

also red hot FORK is the best because if you get it the right temperature it will leave little paralel lines on your friends arm, which is better than the shape a spoon or knife would make. battle wounds, we all have them.

happy birthday dana

april 30 2002
Final proof that there's no such thing as god, and also wishes don't come true:
Today in the hallway Steven Fuckhead said "HI KATIE" to me and all his friends who were standing around laughed, so obviously he wasn't hit by a bus and ground into little pieces like I asked.

April 25 2002
A funny joke:

Ed: I say old chap, knocke knocke!
Fred: Wha? Hullo, who might that be?
Ed: WHy I dare say it's "orange" my good man!
Fred: Well I never. "Orange?" you say? "Orange" whom?
Ed: "Orange" you glad I'm only going to stab you in ONE of your eyes? Ah ha!
Fred: Dear me!

ps. This joke is funny because they have british accents

april 24 2002
I guess I forgot to tell anything about prom. sophmores don't get a prom, so it's not that major of an issue, not that i wanted to go anyway. but I found out that say I wanted to go with my friend morgan next year, i totally could not. fucking bullshit inforced heterosexuality. i can't go to the prom unless some BOY asks me? what kind of fucked up asshole thinks up something like that. the people who run this school are hateful abortions. but what am i supposed to do. i'm probably one of like 3 people in the whole school who give a shit. am i supposed to pass around a petition during gym class or something? the cheerleaders are too busy getting felt up by the football team or whatever.

so annoying. I pretty much wish every day away between now and when I turn 18. I feel like my teeth are melting from all this stress. My jaw is killing me all day every day. One morning I'm going to wake up with a mouth full of chalk dust.

april 23 2002
Don't worry I haven't gone anywhere. I hate it when people write 'sorry I haven't been updating in a while.' like people are just constantly reloading the website for your pearls of wisdom. people have lives, why is that suddenly a bad thing. i've been busy, big deal. maybe you shouldn't be worried about why I haven't updated, maybe you should be worried about what i was doing instead of writing here. maybe i was plotting something. maybe you should be careful where you walk and how you reach for your knife at dinner.

febuary 25 2002
I decided I want to open a chain of large stores. Like walmart or whatever. this will be my life's work. I'm not sure what they'll sell, just all kinds of useless crap that people need. But one thing is that I want there to be a big sign across the front of the building that says "OPEN 24 HOURS AND YOU ARE A BITCH".

Also every once in a while there will be a contest where you are allowed to try to steal stuff. It'll be a one-day event, and I'll hire a bunch of beefy bouncer security guard thugs to stand guard by the doors. So the people can grab whatever they want, but it's up to them to try run and break through the lines of security guards without getting killed. Can you imagine. A whole day of people grabbing vcrs and and playstations and jetting for the door only to get punched in the face and knocked flat out by the guards. I would lay down gramma floor plastic so all the blood doesn't ruin the carpeting! so excellent.

febuary 22 2002
Bless this house oh lord we pray
so it is not completely gay.
-saw this in a friends house. Her parents are fucked up.

febuary 12 2002
A funny joke:
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: Everyone I ever loved.

febuary 11 2002
The other day at school I was standing by Eliza's locker and that son of a bitch fucker dave fucker i mean fletcher called me over to him. so i walk over and i'm like "what do you want?" and he says "nothing, I just wanted to see your tits shake."

I have to share the hallways with this psycopath, and still, they won't let me bring a gun to school. I wish I could have punched him or something. I wish I could be that girl kelly clark, who won the snowboarding olympics. she totally kicks ass. i bet she could punch dave fletcher until his face was one with the lockers. That would be excellent, if someone punched his head so hard that there was an impression of his face in someone's locker. and then everytime I walked by I would laugh and read the plaqe that would be there to commemmorate the memory of the wonderful event.

febuary 8 2002
currently listening to: my foot kicking your ass

I seriously do not understand people who freak out about anime. they steal a bunch of images for their website and call themselves fake japanese names and all they ever talk about on their web site is anime anime anime, what movies theyve seen, what movies they WANT to see. they're just cartoons! are you seriously 5 years old? yeah dude buggsu bunnysan, you're pretty fresh. keep up the great work.

febuary 2 2002
A funny joke:
Q: Why did katie through the clock out the window??
A: That's where your horrible face was located.

january 16 2002
There's this fairly cute boy who sits in front of me in one of my classes. For some reason when I'm sitting behind him and the teacher's talking all I ever want to do is spit in his hair. I promised myself I would actually do it one day before the end of the year.